I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
