once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
