I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
