i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
