I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize