farters have to be the big spoon...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.