I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.