Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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