when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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