I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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