you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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