Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
