the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
