So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.