she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize