forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
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I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow