Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?