i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
