it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
