she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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