Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
