I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
