I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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