wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
