that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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