My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
