i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
