she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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