OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
