I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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