took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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