i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
