Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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