mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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