I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you never un-have a 4some
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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