I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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