we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
