Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
