she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
