I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
