thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
