Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
