Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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