you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
