It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
