it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
