I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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