there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
