Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
