i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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