This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
