Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
