Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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