How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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