Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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