I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
