Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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