I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
