He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
