No more Irish car bombs ever.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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