"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
