i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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