I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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