I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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