Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
