he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
