Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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