I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is Oprah even human
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
