Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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