just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
