call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
