I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
