sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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