last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
