I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
