cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
