Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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