My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
