you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
