sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
