I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
