my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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